Touched by Adoption–Glossary Spotlight
Warning: it’s return-to-the-snark this week on “Adoption Wednesday.”
Wait, did she just say it’s Shark Week?
Nope, it’s s-n-a-r-k, as in snarky, snide, sarcastic, perhaps just a little bit sassy.
I feel like a DJ, and that’s cool. I’ve been “accepting requests” for additions to my ultimate-yet-non-definitive Adoption Glossary.
Touched by Adoption
Rebecca Hawkes at Love is Not a Pie asked me to talk about the phrase “touched by adoption,” and how it doesn’t seem to capture the true essence of adoption’s effect on those involved, or its true impact.
Brooke Randolph, a licensed mental health counselor who specializes in the treatment of trauma and adoption (among other areas), suggested that “touched by adoption” may more aptly apply to the grandparents or friends of adoptive children, or perhaps the extended birth family.
Of course, all of that is up for debate, depending upon the family. Even birth-aunts, birth-uncles and birth-grandparents can be “gutted by adoption,” as opposed to merely touched and caressed like a cool, gentle breeze on a beautiful spring day.
Touched, as in “touched in the head”
Rebecca made the incisive point that “touched” is also a euphemism for mentally unbalanced. Touched is defined as as “1. moved and stirred: They were touched by your generosity,” and:
2. slightly crazy; unbalanced: touched in the head.
Awesome … Made-crazy by adoption, wonderful. In some cases, perhaps it’s not too far off-the-mark.
But, Laura! Adoption is beautiful, it’s a blessing! It gives unwanted children to loving, stable homes!
Perhaps, perhaps. But. [And this is a big "but"] Often the baby was wanted by the mom, she simply had no support. Specifically, Don’t-come-home-with-that-bastard-child no support. Yes, adoption is great for adoptive parents who complete their family, and that family can and should be celebrated. However, the onus is on adoptive parents to remember that their (appropriate) joy accompanies an adoptee’s loss of original family, ethnic heritage, biology, and more.
I’ve written about the troubling intersection of adoption and mental illness before. It’s a tough subject because while adoptees do have higher rates of suicide and issues with mental health in general, they are loathed to be “defined” as damaged or mentally ill.
The euphemistic qualities of “touched by adoption” remind me of my issues with Gotcha Day. If adoption is so “touching,” like the stroke of a soft feather, then why do some (yes some, not all, I’m aware) adoptive parents insist on celebrating adoption with such an aggressive and possessive phrase?
Gotcha!
Ack! I’m surprised, overwhelmed, not touched or caressed. Hmmm.
Alternate phrases to capture the adoption experience
tackled by adoption — works well when surprises inevitably come one’s way. Adoption can have the feeling of having the wind knocked out of oneself, after all.
punched-in-the-gut by adoption – especially accurate during those always-super-fun “secondary rejections,” as so insightfully described by first mom Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy.
[Could also describe the initial panic experienced by adoptive parents who haven’t fully prepared themselves for the impact of their child’s first family reunion.]
pulled-in-a million-directions by adoption — for when the adoptee has to juggle the sometimes competing needs, desires and, yes, demands of both the birth family and adoptive family.
split-in-two by adoption — piggybacks off of pulled-in-a-million-directions, for those times when the adoptee feels he must choose one family over another.
* * * * *
Do you have an adoption reunion story that begs to be told? Do you have tips, advice, insight for others navigating the murky, emotionally wrought waters of adoption reunion? Consider submitting to Adoption Reunion Conclusions. Email me right away if you’re still working on something … Laura @ adoptedrealitymemoir.com (no spaces). Let me know and I’ll hold a space for you!
image from freedigitalphotos.net
Omygosh! Ha! I've heard the expression "she is touched in the head" in books set in the 1900's or earlier but I never thought of the connection it could have with being "touched by adoption". It seems very appropriate. Can I then use this to explain away my "irrational" emotional upsets that pop up now and then? :p "Hey, don't judge me! I've been touched by adoption!" This also got me thinking of other more suitable words.
Jung Sun,
Oh, this is awesome. Yes, you're just "touched," that's all, it's no big deal.
Yes! Let me hear your alternate suggestions!
Laura
My favorite is "thrown under the bus of adoption." I don't know – it just seems fitting somehow. But I guess that would most definitely be "touched."
Jackie,
Good one — I like 'thrown under the bus.' That was one of the buzz phrases of my corporate America days, it's apt!
Laura
Touched. Just another piece in the jigsaw of bad messaging around adoption, like all those pictures of a two point two family skipping in afield with a balloon. I love this post, it grabs me by the heart and swings me around in a maelstrom; just like adoption has. Can i link to your site on my blogroll (and welcome to WASO by the way)? Mx
Yes! That would be awesome, I was trying to figure out how to get "linked up" thanks! I love the maelstrom — awesome!
Laura
I've never heard this phrase used here in the UK, and I'm pretty glad I haven't. With regards to Gotcha Day, I've only heard this used quite recently and by one family. Neither sit comfortably with me. I do wonder who comes up with these phrases? Adopters? Adoptees? Social workers?
Thanks for linking this up to the Weekly Adoption Shout Out and I hope you'll link again in future.
Vicki,
Thanks for commenting! I'm so happy to have found your Adoption Shout Out–these round-robins can be really great for understanding perspectives outside of our own. … I think Gotcha Day is something … uniquely American. It's used a bit in Canada, and yes, I've read even agencies encouraging adoptive parents to use the phrase.
I'm still amused by all of the differences between British and American English. In American parlance (and in my admitted limited experience), "adopter" is often used pejoratively, and so when I read your blog and saw you referring to yourself "as such," I realized it's a difference in language usage. Here, I've seen "adoptive parent" used by adoptive parents, and "adopter" is often used when someone wants to accuse adopting adults of unethical behavior.
Anyway, great to meet you!
Laura
Gosh, I had no idea about using 'adopter'. It's common in my (again limited) experience, and by Social Services, friends etc I would be considered an adopter, simply because I have adopted (my son). Thanks for educating me!
Vicki — I think it's totally an American adoptee thing.
It must be people who have not lived through adoption that make these phrases up? surely? You are right the phrase has a relaxed easiness about it that is so far away from anything we've experienced in our family. I hope to god my children never feel pulled in a million directions by adoption, I know at times the turmoil is enormous for them but I would never ask them to chose between their families. All great points for discussion and thanks for linking up to the Weekly Adoption Shout Out. x
Sarah,
Thanks so much for visiting! I know, where do they come up with this stuff? I think those more extreme phrases are often felt by adult adoptees who lacked the benefit of openness growing up. Those of us from the Closed Adoption Era in the United States, or the Baby Scoop Era, were often subject to mis-information, secrets and lies. I feel lucky that I was never lied to, but I do know how hard it is to juggle the large extended family that adoption reunion creates.
Thanks so much for including me!
Laura
love the glossary – you could – sadly – go on for a while – and yes certain phrases are used too freely and loosly – like the word adopted – when people say they have adopted parents meaning they are close to them – no they are not your adopted parents…. but I love the pulled in different directions phrase – but not for the having to chose as that really would be torn and incredibly heart wrenching.
Elle,
Thanks for visiting the blog! Yes, sadly, adoption language needs some revamping for our modern day-and-age. I'm not a super PC-type of person, but I do think that educating the general population as to the issues involved in post-adoption is a good thing.
Laura
I feel they are gonna promote RATHER A LOT of the super low cost ones.
gopro Studio recently posted..gopro Studio
gopro Studio recently posted..gopro Studio
Les dernieres nouveautes et surtout les meilleurs prix sur vos posts preferes,
voila pourquoi Cdiscount est le numero 1 pour votre achat
machine a pop sodastream fizz rouge et Electromenager!
machine a soda recette recently posted..machine a soda recette
machine a soda recette recently posted..machine a soda recette
Rien de plus fundamental, achat babycook pour arriver ici, les internautes a la pointe de
la style ont par exemple l’offre Babycook p Notice that is authentic.
babycook recently posted..babycook
babycook recently posted..babycook
Es esencial destacar, en este contexto, el papel que ha desarrollado la política de ayudas a la traducción de la Dirección General
del Libro, Archivo y Bibliotecas, que ha propiciado durante
la última década que se publicaran en lengua china
muchas obras de nuestro acervo literario, comenzando por aquellas que
ya estaban exentas del pago de los derechos de autor,
pero, recientemente, también títulos más contemporáneos.
venta de telefonos celulares al por mayor recently posted..venta de telefonos celulares al por mayor
venta de telefonos celulares al por mayor recently posted..venta de telefonos celulares al por mayor
Rentabilidad de sus negocios desempeño financiero:
se refiere a la relación entre prácticas de negocio socialmente responsables y la actuación financiera positiva.
pegapower.bloggplatsen.se recently posted..pegapower.bloggplatsen.se
pegapower.bloggplatsen.se recently posted..pegapower.bloggplatsen.se
120.
village clash of clan recently posted..village clash of clan
village clash of clan recently posted..village clash of clan
Yoour style is unique compared to other people I have read stuff from.
I apprecikate you for posting when yyou have the opportunity,
Guess I’ll just bookmark this blog.
gas lawn blowers recently posted..gas lawn blowers
gas lawn blowers recently posted..gas lawn blowers
Wow, superb blopg layout! How lengthy have
you ever been blogging for? you made blogging
glance easy.The overall llook of your web site is magnificent, lett alobe the
content material!
essential lawn recently posted..essential lawn
essential lawn recently posted..essential lawn
First of alll I woul like to say wonderful blog!
I had a quick question which I’d lie to assk if you don’t mind.
I was interested to find out how you centerr yourself and clear your thoughfs before writing.
I’ve had a tough tikme clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out.
Ido enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes
tend to be wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips?
Appreciate it!
plain hoodie recently posted..plain hoodie
plain hoodie recently posted..plain hoodie
The premium received from promoting the put may be
utilized to the cost of the shares, finally decreasing the cost basis of
the stock buy.
top rated stocks to buy recently posted..top rated stocks to buy
top rated stocks to buy recently posted..top rated stocks to buy
Hello, i feel that i noticed you visited my blog so i got here to return the choose?.I am trying to find issues
to improve my website!I assume its good enough to make use
of a few of your ideas!!
empresas organizadoras de eventos empresariales en mexico recently posted..empresas organizadoras de eventos empresariales en mexico
empresas organizadoras de eventos empresariales en mexico recently posted..empresas organizadoras de eventos empresariales en mexico
With havin so much content do you ever run into any
problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My site
has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either created myself or
outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet
without my agreement. Do you know any techniques to help
prevent content from being ripped off? I’d genuinely appreciate it.
Strongman manchester uK recently posted..Strongman manchester uK
Strongman manchester uK recently posted..Strongman manchester uK
You can definitely see your skills in the work you write.
The sector hopes for more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to mention how they believe.
At all times follow your heart.
getting quotes recently posted..getting quotes
getting quotes recently posted..getting quotes
With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any issues
of plagorism or copyright infringement? My blog has a lot
of completely unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any techniques to help reduce content from being ripped off?
I’d truly appreciate it.
Saul Alvarez vs James Kirkland live recently posted..Saul Alvarez vs James Kirkland live
Saul Alvarez vs James Kirkland live recently posted..Saul Alvarez vs James Kirkland live
With havin so much content and articles do you ever
run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of exclusive content I’ve either
created myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot
of it is popping it up all over the internet without my
agreement. Do you know any solutions to help protect against content
from being ripped off? I’d certainly appreciate it.
Quel est le meilleur GPS recently posted..Quel est le meilleur GPS
Quel est le meilleur GPS recently posted..Quel est le meilleur GPS
It’s not your job to make others happy, not your husband, kids, parents,
boss, or anyone else. As with most multiplayer
shooters these days, Medal of Honor features both a Class and Leveling system for unlocking new gear.
I also do not recommend soy formula as it may cause retarded growth and vitamin deficiencies.
Only then, when we decide to spend, will we pay a single dime in taxes.
On Sept 25, President Obama appeared on the The View where
Whoopi asked him, “How do we as Americans figure out that sometimes things we say have terrible consequences, as they did in Libya.
cock recently posted..cock
cock recently posted..cock
冤罪で極刑が決まった兄リンカーン・バローズを救うために、弟マイケルがわざと刑務所に入り、仲間たちと力を合わせて脱獄をする話です。しかし、脱獄した後の話がまた面白く、いつもハラハラさせられるので長い時間観ていても飽きませんよ。
シーズン１～４までありますが、刑務所脱出までを描くシーズン１、敏腕FBIのマホーンからの逃走を描いたシーズン２が傑作です。見てほしい点は盛り沢山ですが、やはり演者の個性が目を引きます。そして、いきなり重要人物が死んだりするので、ハラハラします。
特にセオドア・バッグウェル、通称T-Bag。彼はもう、役者さんが最高すぎます。おそらく彼が演じていなければ、ここまでインパクトのあるキャラクターにはならなかったはず。役柄は子供たちをレイプして殺したという引くほどの凶悪犯ですが、どこか憎めず、シーズン１からシーズン４の最終話まで最後まで出演している数少ない一人です。
プリズンブレイク レンタル recently posted..プリズンブレイク レンタル
プリズンブレイク レンタル recently posted..プリズンブレイク レンタル
It’s an remarkable piece of writing designed for all the internet users; they
will take benefit from it I am sure.
Lizzie recently posted..Lizzie
Lizzie recently posted..Lizzie
I think that everything published was actually very logical.
But, what about this? what if you added a little content?
I ain’t suggesting your information isn’t good., but what if
you added a title that grabbed folk’s attention?
I mean Touched by Adoption–Glossary Spotlight | Laura
Dennis Blog is kinda vanilla. You could look at Yahoo’s home page and watch how they create post headlines to grab
viewers interested. You might add a related video or a related pic or
two to grab people interested about what you’ve written. Just my opinion, it might bring your posts a little bit more interesting.
hard disk esterno recently posted..hard disk esterno
hard disk esterno recently posted..hard disk esterno
great points altogether, you simply won a brand new reader.
What could you recommend in regards to your put up that you simply
made some days in the past? Any sure?
table de mixage recently posted..table de mixage
table de mixage recently posted..table de mixage
Aw, this was a very nice post. Taking a few minutes and
actual effort to create a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and never seem to get nearly anything done.
hydrobenchmarking.com recently posted..hydrobenchmarking.com
hydrobenchmarking.com recently posted..hydrobenchmarking.com
What’s up to every , for the reason that I am really eager of reading
this web site’s post to be updated on a regular basis.
It consists of pleasant information.
Scopa a vapore recently posted..Scopa a vapore
Scopa a vapore recently posted..Scopa a vapore
Excellent weblog here! Also your site quite a bit up fast!
What host are you the usage of? Can I am getting your affiliate link in your host?
I wish my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol
babyphone recently posted..babyphone
babyphone recently posted..babyphone
Awesome! Its genuinely amazing post, I have got much clear
idea concerning from this post.
tafsuit.com recently posted..tafsuit.com
tafsuit.com recently posted..tafsuit.com
Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favorite reason appeared
to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of.
I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people consider worries that they
just do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top
as well as defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal.
Will probably be back to get more. Thanks
stampante fotografica recently posted..stampante fotografica
stampante fotografica recently posted..stampante fotografica
My partner and I stumbled over here from a different website and thought I may as well check things out.
I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward
to looking at your web page yet again.
Swen recently posted..Swen
Swen recently posted..Swen
This article presents clear idea for the
new users of blogging, that actually how to do running a blog.
Jaką krzesla biurowe recently posted..Jaką krzesla biurowe
Jaką krzesla biurowe recently posted..Jaką krzesla biurowe
Generally I don’t learn article on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to check out and do so!
Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, quite nice post.
tondeuse electrique chien classement recently posted..tondeuse electrique chien classement
tondeuse electrique chien classement recently posted..tondeuse electrique chien classement
Hi every one, here every person is sharing these experience, so it’s fastidious to read this website, and I used
to go to see this blog daily.
videocitofono classifica recently posted..videocitofono classifica
videocitofono classifica recently posted..videocitofono classifica
It’s awesome in support of me to have a website, which is valuable in support of my experience.
thanks admin
mini Horno recently posted..mini Horno
mini Horno recently posted..mini Horno
Hello to every body, it’s my first go to see of this webpage;
this webpage contains awesome and actually excellent information designed for visitors.
Kristy recently posted..Kristy
Kristy recently posted..Kristy
Thank you for another informative website. Where else may just I am getting that type of info written in such a perfect manner?
I’ve a venture that I’m just now working on,
and I have been on the look out for such info.
jumelles classement recently posted..jumelles classement
jumelles classement recently posted..jumelles classement
You Earn Free Present Cards or PayPal Money.
roblox robux admin commands recently posted..roblox robux admin commands
roblox robux admin commands recently posted..roblox robux admin commands