The Serbian Godfather, an American Expat Perspective
This is not a new movie; or a revelation of an heretofore secret mafia organization in Belgrade. No. This is a post about Serbian family and married life.
The direct translation for “godfather” in Serbian is kum. However, “kum” means much, much more. The concept runs deep, enriching friendships and social life.
First, things, first. … Let’s get pronunciation out-of-the-way. “Kum” is pronounced coom, like it rhymes with room. Kum, not come.
At recnik.com, kum means godfather, and kum/kuma (female version) also means sponsor. What? I’ve never heard of this idea, “sponsor.”
Finally, with the help of my friend, Google, I got down to Slavic.net, and found a proper explanation for kum: best man, godfather, godparent, and of course, sponsor. Whatever that means.
Yes, kum can refer to the person you choose as the godfather when you baptize your child in the Serbian Orthodox Church. Or, the kum/kuma is the one to witness when an adult is baptized. But then, that also means that your kum has been baptized himself. And in an increasing secular society (left over from communism), more and more people are not even baptized.
I know, right? Scandal!
Kum is more than a best man
But this is where dictionaries don’t do the language justice. Today, among my friends at least, in addition to the religious/baptismal purpose, a kum is a best man, kuma is a maid-of-honor. You choose this person to stand with you when you get married; but the responsibility and the sense of closeness go deeper than that.
When you make someone your kum/kuma, it essentially makes them a part of your family. But better, because it’s someone that you actually choose and genuinely like. Your kum/kuma is probably someone you went to college or have a long history with. A person you’d wish to be related to, if you could. And in Serbia, it’s possible!
Interesting nuances
1. A kum/kuma is probably not from the same family as your parents’ kum/kuma. What! Why?
Because when the parents got married, they also had a kum and kuma. (Duh.) The children of the kum/kuma’s families then became the kumice, or “little” best men and “little” maids-of-honor. (This is where literal translations get a slightly ridiculous.)
2. People don’t seem to choose their brother or sister. That would be absurd: siblings are already family.
3. The kum/kuma thing generally goes only one way, although I have seen exceptions. So, if Ivan chooses Sasha to be his kum, Sasha will likely choose someone else to be his kum.
4. From as much as I can gather, kum status remains, even in the case of divorce. If Ivan gets divorced, Sasha is still his kum!
5. A man chooses a kum, and a woman chooses a kuma. After marriage, these connections transcend gender. So, Ivan’s wife may now refer to Sasha as kum.
All of this gets very complicated, I know. This kum/kuma/kumice actually makes for wonderfully close friendships.
My Wedding
I chose my brother to stand at my wedding. It was all very “Californian” to have a man-of-honor, instead of a maid-of-honor.
Nikola was my husband’s kum, chosen well before Misha and I even met. Nikola is a good man. He flew from Serbia to Los Angeles, and we met for the first time a few days before the wedding. After our lovely celebration, Misha and I had a “day after” brunch for our close family friends.
Amongst all the people, chatter, food and generally busy-party-goings-on, kum Nikola pulled me aside, and spoke a gruff whisper, pulling out a jewelry box with lovely earrings inside. After the thanks you’s and the assurances that he didn’t have to do that, Nikola got serious. He took my hand and looked me squarely in the eye.
In his thick Serbian accent and deep voice he said, “Lora, I have something to tell to you. … Lora. … If you ever need anything, anything at all. You call me. You understand? You. Call. Me. … Yes?”
“Yes, yes, thank you, Nikola.”
“No, Lora. I am very serious, any problems. You call me, okay?”
And with that, I realized that I, too, had my very own kum.
image from freedigitalphotos.net
You made my day with this text. I love reading about your direct daily experience with Serbian mentality. It is confusing, I have to say, especially if you've never been exposed to the culture early on. Kum is definitely a special thing on the Balkans and in a way he's responsible for looking after your welfare and children – just like you said, almost as a family. It's big responsibility; yet also an honor to be someone's kum.
Hey Sophie,
Thanks for writing! It's so fun to hear from you! I'm glad you liked it. You know, when my husband's kum (yes, my kum) took me aside and gave me "the talk," it was really special. Yes, kum is something very special. He loves my kids, and he always makes a special trip to see me, ask about me, make sure I'm okay. If something happened (god forbid!) yes, I could call him.
Laura
Wow. I really loved this post, and I love the idea of a "person you would be related to, if you could." I also love that it goes one way; that reflects my experience of life. Some people really invest in you with so much of their love, and you both grow for it. You invest in some other people with your love, and you both grow for it; but the one who invests in you, and the one you invest in are not always the same. It's wonderful that the concept of kum allows for that. I definitely have some people who are "like family" to me. I kind of wish I lived somewhere where "kum" existed
Addison Cooper recently posted..Safe At Home? Adoption Movie Review: Angels in the Outfield
Addison Cooper recently posted..Safe At Home? Adoption Movie Review: Angels in the Outfield
Addison,
Yes! This concept of "adding" to the family is such a great one, and to me it shows just how deep friendships can run. It's got an element of responsiblity, that being someone's kum is an honor not to be taken lightly.
Thanks!
Laura
This is a really interesting post. Makes me wish I had a 'kum'. Thanks for sharing the story with us.
Sylvia Morice recently posted..NaNoWriMo–What The Hell Was I Thinking?
Sylvia Morice recently posted..NaNoWriMo–What The Hell Was I Thinking?
Sylvia,
Yes! Looking back on it, I wish I'd chosen my brother AND perhaps a kuma, as well. That way I could have the best of both worlds
Laura
This is amazing! I am Serb but I write my blog in English (my husband is Spanish :-)…) and I use word kum a lot in my posts. I was just looking for an explanation of the word kum to link back to my post and I think I found it! :-). I hope you are aware you are 100% assimilated, I wouldn't be able to explain it better. :-)!!!
Nice post Laura! It seems that Nicola became not only your kum, but also a guardian angel.
Fantastic conquer! I’d like to trainee as you fix your web site, how could i register for Victoria your weblog web site? The particular account helped me to any satisfactory option. I had been small bit acquainted in this your own transmit presented energetic see-through strategy
Great I should definitely pronounce, amazed with your
site. I didn’t have difficulty navigating throughand also related
info ended up being truly accessible.
Benjamin recently posted..Benjamin
Benjamin recently posted..Benjamin
Hello there, your websites are really good. We do appreciate you great posts.
Sharyl recently posted..Sharyl
Sharyl recently posted..Sharyl
thanks for this post a great to read that kind of topics
add as a friend is sometimes useful
Appreciating the hard work you put into your site and detailed information you offer. It's nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn't the same out of date rehashed material.Its a great one and also a beautifully crafted one. looking forward for more from this website.I read all of article of the site the article was very nice go and check it out!
This is one of the best resources I have seen in a long time. Posted to our non-fiction marketing blog, letting them know to substitute book sales for traffic. While it is great for blog traffic, the ideas work beyond blogging for writing book descriptions or sales pages also. Thank you for putting this together!
I am incessantly thought about this, thanks for posting.
beard czar side effects recently posted..beard czar side effects
beard czar side effects recently posted..beard czar side effects
I was curious if you ever considered changing the layout of your blog?
Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But
maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better.
Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or 2
pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?
Verna recently posted..Verna
Verna recently posted..Verna
Gгᥱat bⅼog here! Additіоnally your web site so much up very
fast! Whɑt host are you the usage of? Can I am getting yoᥙr assoϲiate link for your hоst?
I want my site loaԁed up аs fаst as yours lol
Basil recently posted..Basil
Basil recently posted..Basil
Great Blog ! Love to See more of these http://worldfestivalsus.blogspot.com/2017/07/the-…
I see you don’t monetize your page, don’t waste your
traffic, you can earn additional bucks every month because you’ve got high quality content.
If you want to know how to make extra bucks, search for: Mrdalekjd methods for $$$
FirstTammi recently posted..FirstTammi
FirstTammi recently posted..FirstTammi
Here is a good Blog You may Find Intriguing that we encourage you to visit.
Hi everyone, it’s my first pay a quick visit at this site, and article is truly fruitful designed for me, keep up posting such content.
app marketing recently posted..app marketing
app marketing recently posted..app marketing
Rất ít công ty có thể cho bạn những điều này.
áo khoác đồng phục recently posted..áo khoác đồng phục
áo khoác đồng phục recently posted..áo khoác đồng phục
Thanks for finally writing about >The Serbian Godfather, an American Expat Perspective | Laura Dennis Blog <Loved it!
cong ty skt recently posted..cong ty skt
cong ty skt recently posted..cong ty skt
Hi, i think that i noticed you visited my website thus i came
to return the want?.I’m trying to to find issues to enhance my site!I
guess its ok to use some of your ideas!!
dai ly nuoc vinh hao quan 10 recently posted..dai ly nuoc vinh hao quan 10
dai ly nuoc vinh hao quan 10 recently posted..dai ly nuoc vinh hao quan 10
Listen, grace is much better than perfectionism everyday of the week.
I think it’s what Kate Gosselin needs a hefty dose concerning.
Hey, me in addition! While You’re at it, make it a
twice as much. In this article, I’d like to a person how to
can use the MLM strategies that significant purchases
online producers use to attract 100 (or more) free MLM leads every day to on the
web. Set up a professionally looking profile page.
This page should offer an avatar of either yourself or
your site’s business.
Your profile should state that you might be a reviewer irritated should
have a link your web site. There are company’s and brand ambassadors who cruise Twitter on the lookout for
PR bloggers to have a go at. When they stumble across your profile page in comparison it to appear professional an individual want it to
be filled out correctly. By having a positive attitude you’ll experience fewer negative events to you.
So as time goes on, or even more helpful and uplifting experiences and fewer negative ones, al a person changed
during that you look at the world. So what could be the best solution to start stress sores?
Almost all websites have a homepage, contact page and links web
page. However, after that, you should determine actual
want to target on you are going to of little. Is it essential that visitors
know a little history concerning your company?
If so, will certainly need an “about us”. Does product categories to include in your website, if so,
each class have some page. Do you want individuals to be that could fulfill a purchase order when subjected to testing ready buy
something? Gets hotter happens, also it need an “Order”.
Ask for help your best choice it. If you have been hunting lose weight
and are situated in a plateau, it could be helpful to communicate to someone about
the software.
You can get in touch with a trainer, and also just a follower who
has lost weight in accessible products .. Talking about how you’re feeling and
applying for help will allow you keep going on pounds loss move.
coupons recently posted..coupons
coupons recently posted..coupons
Here are some links to web-sites that we link to mainly because we consider they may be really worth visiting.