Intuitive Parenting on Adoption Wednesday

Before I became a mom, I devoured books, blogs, WebMD, you name it. I immersed myself fully … until my husband banned further pre-baby prep, lest I succumb to anxious pregnant-lady information overload.

I did continue to read on the sly, but when the baby came, I put the books down.

Soon enough, I met other moms who were caught in a web of anxiety, questioning how to feed, bathe, clothe, carry, and generally care for their babies.

For me, with Danica in my arms, there was no more guessing, or wondering or doubting. I listened to those worried moms, but I shared neither their sense of confusion nor panic.

I felt completely confident in my mommy role.

I heeded the advice of Danica’s pediatrician, yes, but generally, I went with my gut. I carried Danica all the time, nursed on demand, and insisted everyone wash their hands (thoroughly!) before even looking in her general direction. In the evening, I tried putting her in her crib, but ended up co-sleeping. I remained perfectly still next to her warm little body the entire night.

I refused to pump; that was one indignity—among the many involved in childbirth, in which I refused to participate. I took no maternity leave, except for my 2.5 days for the hospital c-section. Even then, I responded to a several work emails.

Since my sales job required travel, and since there was no way I was leaving Danica behind, we asked for help. For the next ten months, my amazing my mother-in-law, the baby and I embarked on about twenty business trips, flying all around the US.

 

Intuitive, Gut-level Parenting

I’m beginning to believe that this confidence stemmed from my adoption. I felt that my (adoptive) mom—although she showered me with unconditional love—had struggled to figure out the best way to deal with me, to raise me.

Because I had carried and birthed my baby, I felt I knew exactly what my children needed, how, when and yes, even why. And, of course, I don’t.

Today, I’m impatient with impetuous toddlers. I can’t stand being used as a jungle gym. Up until recently, I had a strict “no eating bread in the house” rule. Danica is a stubborn handful-and a half, and while Maksim is an easy-going guy now, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’ve learned that I don’t have all the answers.

But in those all-consuming, early months of new motherhood, with the attendant sleeplessness, near-constant nursing, 10+ diaper changes a day, spit-up stained clothes, and even projectile throw-up (from the baby, not me), I knew I was doing the best for my baby.

 

Coming Up …

November marks the beginning of National Blog Posting Month, otherwise known around the blogosphere as NaBloPoMo.

November is also National Adoption Awareness Month. Instead of merely celebrating that beautiful moment when the adoptive parents bring home the newborn, NAAM should focus on shedding light on adoption issues, as well as encouraging foster child adoption.

In honor of these two events, the contributors at Lost Daughters—a blogging project for adult adopted women—will be writing every day on compelling adoption-related topics.

 

Finally, Happy Halloween!

Halloween is not generally celebrated here in Serbia, but with “Westernization,” so-comes a pagan holiday, Hallmarkized for proper marketing. There are activities at the mall, but this year we’ll attend a friends’ Halloween party on Ada. Fun!