Trigger Happy: Adoptees Who Are Successful Even When Living Triggered – Part 2
Have you ever been frustrated by someone who triggers you emotionally?
Today Deanna and I are talking about adoption triggers, and how to live in a triggering world. If you missed Part 1, head over to Adoptee Restoration.
from freedigitalphotos.net
Triggers don’t have to always be triggers
Laura: Yes! Identifying a trigger in real-time takes practice and skill—definitely a topic for another day. Man, the first time I was able pinpoint a trigger as it happened … I felt like the first pick for the dodge ball team. I wanted to call five people to brag.
But here’s an important note: Just because we may identify a trigger as such, it doesn’t let us off the hook from processing through it.
I see this often in the adoption community. We allow our triggers to be only triggers, not opportunities for understanding and healing. We are unable to listen to reasonable explanations and instead let our sensitivity stand as the end-all-be-all.
The reality is: Triggers don’t always have to be triggers.
I’ll use my birthday as an example. Like you, as an unaddressed trigger, I always felt icky about celebrating my birthday. At some point in my fog emersion a couple of years ago, I realized I didn’t have to like my birthday.
It was so freeing!
That year, I cried. I kept to myself, and I sat in my grief for what happened to my infant-self. It was such a relief to let myself off the hook from having to be happy.
The next birthday, I was no longer sad; I was angry. I was simply mad that I was expected to celebrate something that I did not consider worth celebrating. … So, I let myself be mad about it.
By the time this year rolled around, I didn’t have to cry about it. I didn’t have to rant and rave about it. I just let the day pass. Neutral.
That’s where I’m at today, and I’m okay with that.
Perhaps in the future, I’ll want to celebrate it. I believe I’ll get there, but I’ll do it at my own pace.
This is my process for identifying, processing, and moving through triggers. Recognizing that they don’t have to control us is one of the first steps in thriving in spite of them. In fact, I would say that I’m “triggered” less and less; instead I’m generally able to see insensitive comments or adoption-clueless statements for exactly what they are: insensitive or clueless, oftentimes both.
Then I tell the story to some adoptees who get it, and we all have a good laugh.
Living successfully in the midst of triggers
Deanna: I get it! You know Laura, the thing about this is that most people who are not adopted would think that because you do not love your birthday and are in fact sad or angry, is an epic fail. They will see no good in that. Most “non’s” as I call them (non-adopted people) will never be able to wrap their brains around that. But truth be told, it’s a win for us to have a choice! To have control. To have the option of feeling like we want to feel instead of somebody telling us how we have to feel. Because for so long we had no choice in anything and were just expected to be grateful. Feeling like you choose to feel and doing what you want to do on your birthday as an epic win!
I also agree that it’s not just about recognizing the trigger in real time, but processing it fully. I am at the point where I process fully, every time. But, it’s not always responding exactly how I want to every time. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a job. Just saying.
I don’t think this is an adoptee thing only though. Most people on the planet have to exert some level of self control on their job, otherwise it would get kinda scary out there. My husband is not adopted and sometimes at work (even as a minister) sometimes he wants to tell somebody to go jump in a lake. But he looks at them instead and says, “Well, bless your heart…” Ha ha ha!!!
Laura: I think you’re onto something here with regards to the difference between processing a trigger to the fullest extent and responding freely to a trigger (or a person who triggered us).
This is significant:
To survive and thrive, we must process fully, but we do not have to always respond freely; in fact, it can be destructive to do so (i.e. getting reprimanded in our jobs, or worse).
If you missed part one, be sure to head back to Deanna’s blog to read it. How do you deal with emotional triggers (adoption or otherwise)? Have you been able to overcome one, how? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
I think ignoring and changing the subject is a good strategy, like Deanna pointed out (especially at work). Plus allowing yourself to feel exactly what you feel without having to explain to others is a great strategy as Laura pointed out. Avoidance is one tactic I use. If I know there is a thread on Facebook that is anti-adoptive parent . . .I just choose to NOT read it. In fact, I avoid most blogs these days unless I know the writer (like you two!). I also avoid the news because I just don't want to be triggered by murders and the like. As a sensitive person, I have to understand and know my limits and sometimes just not engaging at all will prevent my even having to process something later. Thanks for discussing this important topic!
Sharing this link on Saturday at http://www.larahentz.wordpress.com
When I was searching for official website to but unused webkinz codes then I found this authentic website which is capable of generating free webkinz codes that can be used easily to adopt pets of your choice.
Goodbye 2016 Welcome 2017: On the arrival of the occasion of Happy New Year, people can send their best advance wishes to their beloved
welcome 2016 quotes
Tubidy free
Tubidy
Tubidy mp3
Tubidy Mobile
Tubidy Mobi
Tubidy download
Tubidy Music
Tubidy Free Music Download
Tubidy Downloader
Tubidy Music Downloader
For Happy New Year 2017 wallpapers HD Check out:
Happy New Year 2017 Wallpapers HD
For Happy New Year 2017 wallpapers HD Check out:
Happy New Year 2017 Wallpapers HD
Laura and Denis had a conversation about how we can live a successful life under that environment where we are getting emotionally triggered. But yes this is very tough to live in that situation where you feel emotionally down all the time.
Les charmes de Halloween sont ici, pandora pas cher la fa?on la plus simple de mesurer votre bracelet Pandora est de visiter une bijouterie et d'essayer différents bracelets de différentes tailles!
I'm glad to see. Thank you for sharing!
instagram technology
Hi Laura! I really like your blog, it’s so sensitive and touching. This post id great as well. A few of my friends were adopted.And you know, they live regular life, they are great people. I think they are really successful in despite of being triggered. One of them works at supremedissertations.com, one of them runs own business. And I’m so proud of them.
happy new year 2018 animation
Thanks for providing superb information
christmas quotes for someone special/
download free new year images
relationship quotes for him
Nyc
Happy New Year 2019
Merry Christmas Wishes 2019
New Year Facebook Status 2019
New Year Messages 2019
you good luck
dealer toyota tegal
toyota nasmoco tegal
toyota mobil tegal
sales toyota tegal
nasmoco toyota tegal
dealer toyota nasmoco tegal
harga mobil toyota tegal
nasmoco slawi
toyota nasmoco slawi
dealer toyota slawi
nasmoco brebes
dealer toyota nasmoco brebes
promo toyota brebes
kredit mobil toyota brebes
harga mobil toyota brebes
dealer toyota brebes
toyota nasmoco pemalang
toyota mobil pemalang
harga mobil toyota pemalang
dealer toyota pemalang
honda tugu jogja
dealer honda jogja
honda mobil jogjakarta
promo honda yogyakarta
dealer mobil honda jogja
kredit mobil honda jogja
sales honda tugu jogja
harga mobil honda jogja
dealer honda yogyakarta
paket kredit honda jogakarta
deale resmi honda yogyakarta
honda mobil jogja
suzuki gedong jembar pekalongan
dealer suzuki pekalongan
sales suzuki pekalongan
suzuki pekalonga
suzuki mobil pekalongan
harga mobil suzuki pekalongan
dealer mobil suzuki pekalongan
promo suzuki pekalongan
dealer suzuki batang
suzuki mobil batang
harga mobil suzuki batang
promo suzuki batang
sales suzuki batang
suzuki batang
honda pekalongan motor
dealer mobil honda pekalongan
honda mobil pekalongan
promo honda pekalongan
dealer honda pekalongan
kredit honda pekalongan
sales honda pekalongan
harga mobil honda pekalongan
dealer honda mobilpekalongan
paket kredit honda pekalongan
no telepon dealer honda pekalongan
dealer honda batang
honda mobil batang
harga mobil honda batang
sales honda batang
paket kredit honda batang
promo honda batang
Happy New Year 2020 Pictures
Very Nice article dear, I love the way you explain the things, It is very easy to understand. Keep up the good work buddy
good article nice content
I really love your post, it is quite intersting and colourful at the same time, everythiing is so unique and I know that because I checked the information.
https://healthmagazineus.com/food-near-me-open-no… https://healthmagazineus.com/how-to-make-yourself… https://healthmagazineus.com/blood-sugar-500/
Amazing post.. keep sharing
If you are looking for the top software development services company in the UAE then you have come to the right place. We are one of the Best Award-Winning software development Agency in the UAE. We are experts in software Development. We offer you timely and cost-effective software Development services. For more information, visit our website.
Want to know how much your favorite stars earn and accumulate? Our website provides meticulously researched and up-to-date information on famous celebrities