The Anxious American and the Pursuit of Happiness
The British may have cornered the market on cynicism and uppity politeness, but a UK expat living in California recently called out Americans on their anxiety.
Guilty. As. Charged.
This week, a Facebook friend shared the article, America the Anxious. In it, Ruth Whippman writes that her American friends are no happier than her British ones, but they are more anxious. She says,
While the British way can be drainingly negative, the American approach to happiness can spur a debilitating anxiety. The initial sense of promise and hope is seductive, but it soon gives way to a nagging slow-burn feeling of inadequacy. Am I happy? Happy enough? As happy as everyone else? Could I be doing more about it? Even basic contentment feels like failure when pitched against capital-H Happiness.
Zing!
I confess, I’ve struggled with this notion of contentment vs. happiness for some time.
Contentment seems to imply a zen-like acceptance of one’s current state. I prefer forward motion. My ex-colleagues may remember a few years ago when our PR consultant asked how to move forward on the first phase of our planned project.
“Everything. All-the-time. Now,” I replied. The gal thought I was joking. Um? Nope. Just get started.
The hard part is when this forward motion doesn’t seem to lead to results fast enough. That’s when discouragement sets in. On a micro-level, when the day’s plan regarding my children’s schedule goes haywire (as it is wont to do with two small kids), I get nervous and pissy.
But I’m trying to relax. To let things slide. To yell less and laugh more.
Just another day … with anxiety-inducing gymnastics. Not to worry: No children or animals were harmed in taking this photo.
* * * * *
This week I was talking about Anxiety’s quiet cousin, Social Isolation, at Leaving Cairo, a travel blog about finding happiness. The blog’s founder, Bex, started the writer’s group, League of Expat Writers, and I’m so pleased to be the first guest contributor!
Here’s the first bit:
Overcoming Expat Social Isolation through Writing
What’s the hardest thing about being an expat? Me! Pick me!
Social Isolation.
What’s the hardest thing about being a writer? Me! I have one! (I’m such a teacher’s pet.)
Writing. Sitting my butt in a chair and getting 500, 1000, or 2000 words into a Word document. No checking Facebook, no reorganizing the junk drawer, no impromptu manicures. Just sit. and. write.
Proven recipe for stress reduction: Cuddle a Tiger
Stress reduction and happiness for me comes most easily in the company of dogs. They really know how to get the most out of living in the moment. Want stress relief, rub a dog's belly. Works like magic.
Prudence MacLeod recently posted..Making Progress
Prudence MacLeod recently posted..Making Progress
Good call! Learning to be present in the moment is so important, and made that much more difficult these days by all of the "electronic interruptions." Thanks for commenting … how's your writing going?
I think the writer's idea of forward motion all the time is holding her back from enjoying the present. My dad was looking at photos of us kids when we were 3, 4, 6 & 8. We are now in our 50s. He said those were the happiest days of my life and I was too dumb to know it.
Enjoy today! Whether you moved forward OR not. Star noticing the little things: flowers blooming; hugs from your kids or grandkids; a visit to the museum with a friend, et., etc.
Life is too short for it all to be about "forward motion." Enjoy Sunday nights and Monday mornings. Go for a meditational walk. Enjoy doing your exercise.
Life is about love & loss, pain & joy. It is about appreciating the moment, no matter what that moment is. I will admit that I am still working on this myself, but it is worth the work!
I find as I get older I am less stressed by "the small stuff" as they say. You start to see that when nothing "goes right", it still turns out OK in the long run. (The wisdom of old age, or just early dementia, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
It was a pleasure to host you Laura. And as an uppity and cynical Brit ;0) I have to say I agree: there's a lot of pressure on us these days to 'conform' and feel life is complete when you're married with 2.5 kids and a dog.
Hence my blog about finding happiness (or contentment) on the road. And my subsequent book will back this up.
Happiness vs Contentment – hmmm, now my dear old dad says that happiness is a one time thing, contentment is a permanent state. He also says happiness comes at a price – and if you want the huge ups in life, be prepared for the downs too.
Wise words!
Hi Bex, Thanks for writing! Your dad is a wise guy. Thanks for sharing. You know, I wanted to write something slightly "edgy" for my opening. But I do think that there are differences in American mentality vs. British. The America the Anxious pointed out some of those differences, namely that the British may be cynical, but they take a more private approach to finding or declaring their happiness. Americans seem to discuss it all the time, and by extension worry? Have you found this to be true at all in your experience? – Laura
Awww. Cuddling with a tiger – or in my case – two teenage tigers – always calms the nerves. Problem is, they aren't always handy these days!
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BH Mom recently posted..Reunion Recap
I know, right! My daughter isn't so big on cuddling, but my little guy is. It's great your teenagers will hug you, I worry my kids will be "too independent."
Pardon me for saying so, but Americans are such strange creatures.
You are presented with such impossibly unattainable ideas as being within your grasp, and spend a lifetime (and often a fortune) trying to reach them. This is possibly why the pharmaceutical industry has exploded over the course of the past decade or two: 'Not living the dream? There's a pill for that!'
I am a lover of all, (well okay, many) things American, but I am living in the Mediterranean where life is seen through a completely different prism. I don't know if it's better or worse, but it probably amounts to the same thing in the end: 'I care what my neighbour thinks of me'.
But they don't really, they just care about what you think of them…
David,
Thanks for writing. It is so true, the American tendency to think that there's a pill to 'fix' any problem. Living in Eastern Europe, the sense of contentment and happiness are definitely different than what I grew up with. The Mediterranean mentality, and I think the Serbian mentality, are much more relaxed, less uppity. Has that been your experience?
Laura