Shaking the Adoption Fog Out of Non-Adoptees (A Conversation with Deanna Doss Shrodes)
These days, adoptee message boards and Facebook groups are rife with talk of “the fog.” A great adoptee friend of mine, Deanna Doss Shrodes, is a pastor, blogger and incredible mom of three. We decided it was time for some cyber-coffee talk.
I can imagine what some readers are thinking at this point, especially if they’ve read Shaking the Adoption Fog out of Adoptees (A Conversation with Laura Dennis). … Adoptees who say they’re at peace with adoption and never searched and never want to search … are not in a fog, they have moved on, they are grateful, they have accepted the past.
Perhaps others are wondering, who the hot place do these gals think they are, wanting to shake the adoption fog out of people? Why do they constantly have to get their panties in a bunch about something that happened when they were babies?
The thing is, once adoptees “emerge from the fog,” most would never want to go back. In our clear-headedness, we want to pull everyone else out, as well. No matter the bruises received as a result of the ensuing kicking-and-screaming.
Don’t worry, we’re not gonna actually shake anyone. I can only speak for myself.
Foggy Terminology
Laura – One of the first things that come to mind is the question of terminology. Calling birth mothers, “BM” for short. Oh, that really rankles feathers, as it is also the abbreviation for “bowel movement.” Many mothers take offense with the very phrase “birth mother.”
Then there’s the non-adoptee who refers to me (an actual adult, aged 29 for the sixth time) as an “adopted child.”
Deanna – I’m very opinionated on this one. I believe we adoptees have been told how we should feel for far too long. The last thing we need is another issue with which to be condemned or controlled.
My feeling is, what we call people should be all about what we want. I believe it’s important to people to ask adoptees: “What do you prefer I call your family?” The first person to do that with me was my a-cousin, Hank. It really meant a lot. As far as people calling me an adopted child? People who do that are simply uneducated and know nothing about adoptees or adoption. When I hear that I think, “This person needs a lot of help to understand. They are clueless.”
Handling the Adoption Fog Tug-of-War
Laura — You are a church leader, an example for others, and yet, you are also a human being with real emotions. How do you handle it when you see those in your congregation, or elsewhere who you are called to lead, … who are so immersed in the adoption fog, that they are pulling others deeper into it?
It’s the birth mom who encourages young women to relinquish. It’s the adoptive mom who is 100% POSITIVE that her child is soooo happy with her adoption, has noooo post-adoption issues, is sooo grateful … Adoption is soooo beautiful, she’s sure that her child will never search.
One thing I know that I want to do in my adoption advocacy is help the future generation of adopted kids be more at peace, suffer less grief and loss, or at least have support for processing their pain.
On the other hand, how can we really tell anyone else how to raise their kids, even if their kids are adopted and we really just want to help?
It’s so much clearer up here, free from the adoption fog!!
Deanna: As far as young women who are being encouraged to relinquish … I would step up to the plate and privately speak to that. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t. I can’t make that decision for them, but I can speak into it by asking powerful questions. The most powerful is, “How can I help you?”
As far as AP’S go, we can’t tell them how to raise their kids … It’s difficult to sit back and watch a train wreck coming. As adoptees we do know probabilities that are further down the road after they become adults. And, we do know with certainty that people are never simply “unaffected” by adoption. But we cannot blast away the fog in people’s lives. In my experience they have to want to come out of it. It’s a positive thing that the adoptee network is ever-growing and more resources are available that when these kids do become adults and hit a wall, all of us are here for them.
When APs announce they “didn’t give up” on their kid
Laura – I agree. And I need to calm the fornicating down. It’s just that when I see someone who believes their daughter is “unaffected” by adoption, and they say how grateful she is for “taking her in,” well, honestly, I just want to puke.
When I hear adoptive parents say that they are so glad they didn’t “give up on him,” when he went through a rough patch … I have to simultaneously bite my tongue and suppress my extremely sensitive gag reflex.
Give up on him?
As if that is an option whenever you are a parent, by whatever means! I can’t imagine any circumstances in which I might make my kids believe that I might have “given up on them” because of their bad behavior or their tough times. True, my non-adopted kids aren’t teenagers yet.
Deanna — Oh. My. Word. I would say don’t get me started, but you already have. This is one of my pet peeves too. And I think it contributes to the “hero” label assigned to some AP’s as if they are heroes for simply doing what all parents do — or are supposed to do. Like…”HELLO, THIS IS WHAT THE HOT PLACE YOU SIGNED UP FOR! It’s called PARENTHOOD.”
You just don’t hear non-AP’s saying, “we never gave up on him/her” because it’s not even an option. This screams “pseudo-parent” to me when I hear this phrase about not giving up. True parents don’t even speak of the option of giving up. I’ve had hard times with my kids like any parent but that would have never, never, never come out of my mouth nor would anyone with half a brain advise me, “hey…make sure you don’t give up on your kids.” What??!
There seems to be a disease affiliated with some AP’s with a need to be propped up all the time. Who always need to be told what a great job they are doing or how much hell they went through and stuck with it. Which leads us right back to the beginning where we have to admit, adoption is not the norm, it is different to be an adopted person. And we do live in a world where most people are not adopted. Who else’s parents go around tooting a horn saying, “I never gave up on you?” [sigh]
What bizarre world exists where you hear things coming out of parents’ mouths like, “I never gave up on him”? What planet is there where we call people heroes for doing things that all parents do? Welcome to ADOPTOLAND. And for those that don’t see that? In the fog baby, in the fog.
When adoptees are judged for “daring” to step out of the fog
Laura — Man, you are fired up! I’ll remember never to get on your bad side.
And then there are people who are surprised when adoptees do come out of the fog, Like, “you said before that you were okay with not knowing your birth family ever, and now that an opportunity has come to meet them you’re suddenly ecstatic. How did that happen?”
Deanna — The insensitivity of some people just amazes me. That anyone would even say such a thing to another human being is beyond my comprehension.
So apparently now adoptees are not allowed to have a change of heart or change of mind? I had this thought the other day — even aside from adoption, I am not the same person I was at 16, or 26, or 30 or 40. Our thoughts change about things. As for adoptees, most of us believe the script we were given (literally or figuratively) growing up not just from our families but all of society. Everyone contributed to our belief system. But then we start to think on our own and some of us are able to separate what we have been told and investigate facts and come to grips with those facts good or bad.
This is what is known as “coming out of the fog.” The sad thing is, some adoptees come out of the fog and others view them as going into a fog or a set of false beliefs but truly for the first time we have actually found ourselves. And in that moment we desperately need to be supported. Sadly many are not. As my therapist once told me, “Go to the place where you can get enough. Wherever that is, go there.” I’m in one of those places right now. I’m talking to you. <3
Laura – YES! I so need places where I can figure stuff out, vent and … heal. Thanks so much for joining me today, Deanna! You are such a beautiful person, I’m so happy to know you.
* * * * *
Deanna describes herself as: Adult Adoptee. Compassionate. Helper. Pastor. Wife and Mother. Coffee Lover. Loudest Laugh in the Room. Friend You Haven’t Met Yet. In addition to blogging at Adoptee Restoration, she writes at The Lost Daughters and her personal blog, Deanna Shrodes.
Landscape images from freedigitalphotos.net; Deanna’s photo courtesy of Adoptee Restoration.
Fantastic post, Ladies!
The "BM" thing drives me insane! Who wants their mother/daughter/grandmother/sister/aunt…etc…referred to as a pile of poo?!! UGH!
Watching for a train wreck describes exactly how I feel about my granddaughter's situation (adopted by my brother and sister-in-law and intentionally cut off from almost all of her biological relatives). There may be a slight chance it might not happen, but why risk it? Why risk your child's future happiness? She's only 3! She's going to grow up!
Nope, her parents are happily in the fog, and we (her biological grandparents) are crazy.
Kellie, I know, it is a train wreck that is just gathering momentum … and I am so sorry for this.
I truly wish that there was something that could be done to help improve your situation. But you're right, your granddaugther's parents are happily in the fog, to the detriment of their child.
Laura
that would be crazy making…
the trouble with using birthmom is that it implies all we did was a few strains and out pops a baby that we have no bond to. we deeply love our children and were terribly lied to. some were forced away from their children because there already was a buyer. but all were told if they really loved their children they would surrender, most dream, pray, love and search for their children every day. long deeply for the day they reunite.
I think the adoption fog would make such a good research project for someone in grad school. What triggers the coming out? When does it typically happen? What are the stages? What are the obstacles? What are the ramifications? How often do people venture out of the fog and then go back into it?
I always learn so much about clarity — coming out of the fog — when I listen to adoptees like you both. Then, IRL, I have trouble discerning if an adoptee friend is in the fog or not. Who am I to say?
Sometimes I want to press and tell them, "but you DO have a right to wonder, to seek, to fill in your story! Here's a list of blogs I recommend."
Or I could just show them this post
Lori,
Yes, what a very cool grad school project. I agree. I want to know, too, what ARE the typical triggers? These are such excellent questions. There's something in there about the effect of trauma on a person, as a research starting point. For example, how people deal with a trauma indicates their coping mechanism, and the depth of their fog.
I understand your IRL concerns–it's like, how many questions can you ask … before an adoptee simply shuts down?
Laura
I am a mother who gave her daughter up for adoption. The trigger for the fog to start lifting for me was her birthday. Every year I would brace myself for the feelings that would overwhelm me around that time. I was deeply in denial and was able to mostly suppress them for the rest of the year. A few years ago I decided that I needed help. I thought there was something wrong with me since the sadness and grief seemed to be getting worse as the years went by instead of better. "They" said it would get better and easier until I "got over it." I decided to search the internet for help "getting over it." Somehow I came across a blog written by an adoptive mother. In one of her posts she mentioned "adoption haters" that were attacking her online. Adoption haters?! Is there such a thing? A few minutes on google and I found the thread. From there I found some adoptee and first mother blogs. That was the beginning of the lifting of the fog for me. Painful but I also would never go back!
Starr,
I can't tell you how many people have tried to go to therapy, only to be told they need to get over it. Or, to completely ignore adoption and post-adoption issues–just not even to think about asking someone about the pain of having relinquished a child!
I can totally picture the "fog" lifting for you–adoption haters? Those exist?! And from there, being able to find others who had similar experiences.
Thanks for commenting!
Laura
Love this conversation . . . it hits on so many important points! I think fog lifters include births, deaths, adoptions within the family, sudden realizations that you were lied to, etc. One thing that really drives me crazy is when other people tell me that I "saved" my child. Whatever! Did I protect her? Yes. But to see me as a "savior" . . .well, I think that role should be left to Jesus. Somehow adoptive parenting became such a charitable, saving, don't-give-up-on-them kind of business. I feel truly loving a-parents don't look at their parenting that way. They do what any parent would do for any child, whether born to them or not. I liken it to raising my best friend's kid. I would do everything I could to raise them lovingly, without putting a halo on my head and believing the lie that I saved her. If our a-parents hadn't adopted us, likely someone else would have. And just to be totally un-pc, I did point to a whole table-full of friends once and said to each one of them "you could have been aborted". It kind of drove the point home:)
This is very true … good call. Fog lifters include: "births, deaths, adoptions within the family, sudden realizations that you were lied to" YES. It is a traumatic, or otherwise important "life event" or "life change" that triggers awareness? Unfogginess? Clarity.
I agree: parents ARE protectors, and rightfully so. Saviors? Not so much. And yet, this language is SO pervasive, people who are in the fog say it ALL the time and don't even realize the insensitivity of their words.
YOU could have been aborted … LOVE that.
Laura
Oh, don't even get me started on the "saved" one….I hear that A LOT and can't stand it. As a Christian, it especially puts me off, because obviously I don't believe people have the power to save.
I want to tell them more than that. THAT IS A GREAT FIRST START. what can be done. but then tell them the statistics, facts, 20 percent dissolve, many go to single parents, many end up in jail. there is government money for the poor, you will not be poor all your life….
the trouble with using birthmom is that it implies all we did was a few strains and out pops a baby that we have no bond to. we deeply love our children and were terribly lied to. some were forced away from their children because there already was a buyer. but all were told if they really loved their children they would surrender, most dream, pray, love and search for their children every day. long deeply for the day they reunite.
Dee,
Thank you so much for your comments. I agree, coming out of the fog is just the beginning, there is SO much more work to do!
I agree, there IS a problem with "birth mom" — it is much more than "just" carrying a baby, "just" giving birth. I have an amazing connection with my birth mom, and I never saw her as such. But, that's how I refer to her. When I talk to her, it's just her first name. That's how we do it, and it seems to work for us. I know that she loved me every day, thought about me every day. No name that I called her would change that.
Laura
I hope you told her this…. she must be so incredibly proud of you
Totally, Dee!
My memoir, Adopted Reality, is actually dedicated: To my two moms, the very best of nature and nuture … I think she knows
Laura
Adoption Fog "Is the perception that everything about Adoption is simple, straight forward, beautiful, and most important…NOT TO BE QUESTIONED. Adoption is "what we were taught'.
My Parents raised us to be physically healthy, strong, independent children…and 3 of the 4 of us were adopted, and we knew this from the earliest of ages.
In fact I remember telling my brother (born into the family)"they had to take you. Me they chose…"
Bastard Nation was where I first had cause to question everything I knew about adoption. In their website there is a section called fairy stories and as I read those I recognized that these were all the same stories I was told about the why of my adoption. (almost word for word)
I never thought the Truth was painful…It simply NEVER occurred to me the stories were not real. I didn't go searching. I didn't have the strength or the energy to search. My life was a mess and adoption shit represented life getting messier. So when the Canadian Government created the registry I did the least I could which was to add my name and wait until it came to the top (3years)and then the Government searched…and 6 weeks later my mother was found. (the only time I am aware that the government managed to do something in a timely manner)
"Adoptees who say they're at peace with adoption and never searched or want to search are not in a fog,THEY HAVE MOVED ON, THEY ARE
*(Grateful) *oh how I dislike that fu_ king word. THEY HAVE ACCEPTED THE PAST."
I accepted my past…that is what my therapy covering my whole life was about…Cleaning up the messes I created as a teenager and all the poor choices I made after that time. In fact my choices were notoriously poor. But I worked it through and out and so by 48-50 I finely figured out I was done. I had worked my crap through and now at long last I could let go and simply enjoy the wined down to my wisdom years (and actually feel wise)
And now I discover to my surprise and frustration that NO I'm not done. In fact all my life and every decision I ever made can be directly followed back to those first 20 months of my life where I had 5 sets of care givers, 3 different names (birth, 1st adoption at 8 months…removal at 14 months and second adoption at 20 months and name changed again)
I have come to realize/recognize that my behaviour as a teenager was totally predictable and the difficulties I've struggled with my whole life came from what did not happen for me developmentally as an infant.
Okay I'm out of the fog. But I'm still very tired and I do not want to channel any of what energy I do have into looking for my father's side of the family.
Long ago I decided that Families of Intention meant more to me than my blood. What I want /need at this point of my life is Peace and following my family of origin is not going to give me any more of that than it has
(((Lesley))) I feel for you. All of that shit that you experienced in the first 20 months of your life? YES. That affects a person, how could it not?
This stuff about grateful adoptees, accepting, moving on … I don't want to be told this, and I don't want OTHER adoptees to hear it, either. I want to hear, How can I help you? or even, What do you need to heal?
I like this idea of Families of Intention–it can include biological members, but doesn't necessarily have to.
Laura
I would never go back! Thanks for shaking us "awake".
Never. go. back. … I'm with you! Thanks, Samantha! It's great to see you here!
It's very interesting to read this. So many non-adoptees don't understand the emotional underpinnings surrounding this issue. There is indeed a fog.
I believe you should chock it up to ignorance. Ignorant people say insensitive things ALL THE TIME. We just can't take it personally. If we're able, it's better look upon that ignorant person with compassion. This will make the world will be a better place. Granted, it's not always easy. We can feel attacked and our feathers can get ruffled. Providing information helps, if the ignorant are willing to listen and become more sensitive human beings. Sadly this is often not the case.
Finding people who do understand is such a blessing. It's obvious that you two have and I enjoy reading your correspondence.
Thanks, Grace.
You know, you didn't mention this, but I think there is a "fog" for anyone who is not connected to trauma, or has never considered trauma's effect on the human psyche.
If we have experienced trauma (as you have, although I am STILL waiting to be invited to read your book) … than we know how much trauma of any kind can affect us. Not all adoptees have PTSD. But, losing one's mother is a trauma. How an adoptee processes it can connect to how deeply he or she is in the fog, and how difficult it is to emerge. And you're right, Grace, having other's who understand is SOOO important.
Laura
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