Why did you move to Serbia anyways?
A better question: Why leave America?
Another unexpected benefit: Bidets. Who knew? … Actually, they are super convenient for toddlers to wash their own hands. In this picture, however, they are cleaning the bathroom for me.
Before we left, my American friends were curious as to why my husband and I were up-and-going to a “war-torn” country. Some asked if it was cold in Siberia. The subtext being, Why leave America, the greatest country in the world?
Even people from the Balkans were curious. “Have you visited Belgrade before?” friends who were born in here asked prior our move … “Are you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into?”
“Oh yes, I was there in 2003 for a week,” I would say with an aire of nonchalance.
Nodding reassuringly, more than one person said, “Laura, it’s very different from LA, you do realize that, right? I was born there, and even I have a hard time readjusting to the differences when I go back to visit. And you plan to live there.”
Denial and her sister, the Overly Positive Attitude, are great traveling companions!
So, why did you move to Serbia?
Upon our arrival here, friends and acquaintances wanted to know. Even strangers, when they heard me speaking English or (broken) Serbian, felt my foreign-ness, and would ask, “Where are you from?”
Flag of Serbia
“Oh, I’m American.”
They nod and the next question inevitably is: “Why are you here?”
The quickest answer (so I can get on with my day), and the easiest (as in, the one I’m able to explain in my poor Serbian) is, “My husband is Serbian.”
This answer seems to present me in a good light, i.e. the good wife—returning to the husband’s homeland, and all. My response reinforces the Balkan/good/subservient wife stereotype, or at least is a satisfying reason.
So what’s the real reason?
Well, there were a lot of factors that influenced our move. But the reason I’ve been thinking about recently one that I didn’t readily tell people as we were leaving Los Angeles. I didn’t quite realize it myself.
Nevertheless, it’s the most compelling factor I’ve found to date.
Of course, I knew theoretically that I wanted my kids to learn Serbian. It turned out, there was more to it than that.
There’s something more to moving to Serbia, something that relates to my being adopted. It relates to not knowing my ethnicity, my heritage, my background while I was growing up. By living in Serbia, I’ve connected to my husband’s past, and therefore my kids’ ethnicity.
I want Danica, if she so chooses, to be able to travel to the homeland of her father and his family. I want Maksim to be able to speak the language, to go to college in Serbia, to live as if he were born here. That is important to me.
My children may have an American passports, but they are half-Serbian by ethnicity. I want my kids to know their heritage. I want my kids to live their heritage.
I love that you want your children to be at home in the world, to have roots and wings. Your move was a great way to offer them both.
And I love that they clean your bathroom
I think it's really refreshing to see an American who is willing to look beyond their own borders and realise there is life and other cultures out there in the world…that it doesn't have to be about 'But you're leaving the best country in the world!'
"Best country" is a relative concept. I am a British expat living in Greece and despite its economic hardships and my very low salary, I love life here.
Life doesn't have to be about our materialistic belongings. Thanks for showing us that Laura.
Bex,
Yes, life is about so much more, but sometimes it's hard to see that when one is caught up in a certain lifestyle. I feel like growing up in America, and yes Americans say "America," when we really mean the United States of America (just see how central-minded we are!) … there was rarely, if ever, any chance to think — maybe there's something different out there. It was just assumed that America was "the best." Hands down. It can be a really hard concept to overcome.
That's not to say that everything in Serbia is perfect, far from it. But it's important to know what one is giving up, for what one is getting. Thanks for commenting!
Laura
Hi Laura, this is a beautiful post – and a deeply personal, moving reason to take such a huge step and move to a foreign country…certainly beats my very boring answer "we've moved because of my husband's job" hands down !
Would love to publish a guest post from you anytime on our site if you ever feel like sharing your story…
take care and a very happy start to 2013 to you and your family
Michela xx
Michela,
Thanks! What a great idea, thanks for offering. I will spend some time looking over your blog in the coming week (right now my kids are out of preschool on winter break, so it's difficult to get any sort of writing done) and come up with some suggested topics. Looking forward to getting to know you!
Laura
What a beautiful thing!
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