A Letter to Veronica, Post-Dated August 2027
Dear Veronica,
I am a Lost Daughter, just like you.
I am an adoptee, although my adoption did not garner nearly as much legal and media attention as yours did back in 2012 and 2013.
You may be wondering, though … What is a Lost Daughter?
Heck, I didn’t even know what one was until recently.
from freedigitalphotos.net
The Lost Daughters began as blogging forum, founded by an amazing adoptee, social worker, writer and activist named Amanda Woolston in the early 2010s. Over a short period of time the Lost Daughters became a thriving community of adult female adoptees who, through the internet, supported one another, gave advice, and sometimes got their panties in a bunch.
In short, we became a Sisterhood.
After the events of 2013, in which the South Carolina Supreme Court of the United States decided it was better to finalize your adoption rather than let you continue living with your father, we at the Sisterhood were grieved. To the point of physical pain and tears.
At age four, you have a loving father and a strong network of extended family to care for you. You may think it’s kind of weird that I’m referring to your “biological father” as simply father. Perhaps you consider the man who adopted you to be your father, and if you do, that’s great.
But let me tell you this, my daughter was approximately the same age as you when you were taken from your father and given to adoptive parents. (I’m not here to bad mouth them, there’s plenty that you can find simply by google searching your name.) If my daughter were being taken from me, to live with strangers who she met when she was a baby, I would tell her this: FIGHT.
Even at age four, I know my daughter would have seen through the shenanigans that the adults were pulling, and call bullshit. She may have even used that word (although I have no idea where she learned it). <<<whistles and looks away>>>
Veronica, if you feel it … fight back. Do not accept your circumstances.
Some might label this as RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder. But, think of it as Daniel Ibd Zayd calls it: Resistance Against Domination.
Stand up for what you believe in, and say who you want to live with and with whom.
It might not make a legal difference, but it will make you learn how to communicate, how to stand up for yourself and how to avoid suppressing your anger.
At this point, I admit, I don’t know which is better: that as an adoptee, you accept your “fate,” and attach to your new adoptive parents, rather than FIGHT with all of the strength your little body possesses. That’s an argument for the psychologists whom I hope your adoptive parents will hire to address your post-adoption issues (even though your adoptive mom is one and should know better than to rip you from your family, go figure*).
Perhaps it’s better this remained a secret, a distant memory during your childhood.
from freedigitalphotos.net
Truly, it really is too bad that your dad was in the military at the time, as it would be very difficult for him to up and take you to an non-extraditing country in order to keep you. Because that is exactly what I would have done had it been at all logistically possible.
Veronica, you’re 18 now. You’re all grown up. If you do want to know your father (and yes, even your birth mother who relinquished you, I get that), please … don’t be afraid. Your father did fight for you, he does love you. All is not lost. It may have been fourteen years that you lost, but know this: you still have your whole life ahead of you. You can reestablish a relationship with him and his extended family. You will heal, and the Lost Daughters will be here for you, as well.
I know you will grow into a wonderful young woman, because there is one thing that we adoptees have on our side, and that’s the infamous adoptee resilience.
Stay strong, little Veronica. Grow up, learn, think, enjoy, love and laugh. And when you need a listening ear or a cyber-shoulder to cry on, we’ll be here. Waiting.
* * * * *
Read more about the Lost Daughters perspective on the Baby Veronica case.
* Added after publication for clarity: the adoptive mom is not an adoptee, she works as some kind of therapist clearly not one who specializes in post-adoption issues, tho.
Still hoping she will somehow get to stay with her daddy and she will never have to read a letter like this one…
I'm praying she never has to read this as well.
I cannot believe the prospective adoptive mother is an adoptee? Wow, that explains a lot. Could it be she has never dealt with her own adoptee issues and is pouring out anger subconsciously by recreating this nightmare for innocent Veronica?
I think she meant that the adoptive mother is a psychologist and so should know better…but then, many of us know how long and far we had to search to find a professional who had a CLUE about adoption issues!
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this case is really triggering for me. I was gifted(given Christmas Eve) at 9 months of age to my first adopted family and removed 6 months later (RAD?) because I wasn't fitting in (resistance against domination..).I like this one. And I must have fought…hard. In the end no matter what this will be a mess for Veronica. I'm so sorry sweetie you have this row to hoe.
Yes, I would have left this country as soon as I heard the SCOTUS decision, but I know how this country's beliefs about adoption have been warped. I sincerely doubt Dusten Brown and his family understood just how warped its become.
Had he not been in the military, he wouldn't have been deployed to Iraq. He would have been here to fight for his daughter when he was first notified of the adoption. He is being penalized for his military service in the media and by the courts.
Veronica is losing her family because her father obeyed the law and his deployment orders.
That is so sick!! And how can an adoptee do this to a child? She must be still believing that adoption is beautiful!!
Yes! I mean, I don't want to "condone" illegal action, pursay … but imo, you do what you have to do to protect your family!
I can only imagine what issues this will create for the child, and created by a legal system that does not understand emotional issues caused by this sort of thing. I understand that the courts have to interpret law, but I think I would have tried to find a way, had I been making the decision, for some kind of agreement to be made so that the child doesn't have to suffer. I guess I heard the bibilical story of the 2 mothers and the one child too many times when I was growing up…I just hate to see this sort of thing. And I do feel for the dad, who was serving overseas. Just sad, the whole situation.
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A mother will love her youngster all that much regardless of whether it is little girl or child. There are times that youngsters, particularly adolescents believe that their mom doesn't love them bcoz she is not permitting them to do whatever they need.
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